06 10 / 2014

theblackcatstirs:

shiningartifact:

ziusik:

thinly:


-Sir, we’ve found this and we needed you to name it.
-Pineapple.
-But we figured we might as well just call it “Ananas” since the majority of the world refers to it as-
-Pineapple.
-But sir-
-Pine. Apple.

CRYING I HAVE TO REBLOG IM SORRY OMFG

PINE. APPLE.

LOL THIS IS THE GREATEST.

If this doesn’t perfectly sum up the English language I don’t know what does

theblackcatstirs:

shiningartifact:

ziusik:

thinly:

-Sir, we’ve found this and we needed you to name it.

-Pineapple.

-But we figured we might as well just call it “Ananas” since the majority of the world refers to it as-

-Pineapple.

-But sir-

-Pine. Apple.

CRYING I HAVE TO REBLOG IM SORRY OMFG

PINE. APPLE.

LOL THIS IS THE GREATEST.

If this doesn’t perfectly sum up the English language I don’t know what does

(Source: french-tea, via religiousdonut)

06 10 / 2014

churrosforthewin:

the-irish-mayhem:

thetrekkiehasthephonebox:

chekov-in-a-dress:

I want a superhero movie where the hero dies in the first ten minutes and the woman who was supposed to be the love interest puts on his costume and becomes an even better hero.

I want all of the advertising to be for the hero and none of the marketing to even allude to this death.

imagine all the male tears

Now that’s a movie

(via constantly-curious98)

06 10 / 2014

pandaaamonium14:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

pandaaamonium14:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

(via hotboyproblems)

06 10 / 2014

06 10 / 2014

lunalovegouda:

Those people who constantly reblog your stuff but you never really talk:

image

(via ruinedchildhood)

17 9 / 2014

(Source: rouxx, via ruinedchildhood)

17 9 / 2014

troyesaurus:

books-over-life:

pretentious-medic:

misfitforever16:

myxdistortedxreality:

toned-tanned-fit-andready:

absentminded-internaut:

paint-splotches-and-sburb:

kankrisrockhardabs:

theluckycloud:

distraction:


this is the arrow of destiny. reblog this and see what comes up next. this person/saying/thing will have something to do with your future

omfg i got a couple in bed god bless life

last time I reblogged this i got cereal so I can’t wait to see what I get this time

I got the attractive foreign man who got deported last time.

Everyone should wear cute flower crowns??

Teletubbies heaven help me

SHIRTLESS RYAN GOSLING. SHIRTLESS RYAN GOSLING.

“i only sleep with girls im in love with” ohkay

all monster are inside us ok?



Tea….?

gUYS I GOT THE PHOTO OF TROYE AT THE STEAMYS

troyesaurus:

books-over-life:

pretentious-medic:

misfitforever16:

myxdistortedxreality:

toned-tanned-fit-andready:

absentminded-internaut:

paint-splotches-and-sburb:

kankrisrockhardabs:

theluckycloud:

distraction:

this is the arrow of destiny. reblog this and see what comes up next. this person/saying/thing will have something to do with your future

omfg i got a couple in bed god bless life

last time I reblogged this i got cereal so I can’t wait to see what I get this time

I got the attractive foreign man who got deported last time.

Everyone should wear cute flower crowns??

Teletubbies heaven help me

SHIRTLESS RYAN GOSLING. SHIRTLESS RYAN GOSLING.

“i only sleep with girls im in love with” ohkay

all monster are inside us ok?

Tea….?

gUYS I GOT THE PHOTO OF TROYE AT THE STEAMYS

(Source: iwouldliketobutteryourmuffin, via coyottate)

17 9 / 2014

ruinedchildhood:

I just died

ruinedchildhood:

I just died

17 9 / 2014

acacophony:

iwriteaboutfeminism:

Police continue to make arrests at Ferguson protest.

Part 4.

Take note: The moment people stopped reblogging and tweeting and writing news articles and calling attention to Ferguson, they brought back the armored cars. It is not over. They were waiting for the world to lose interest and knew it would.

(via thefuuuucomics)

25 7 / 2014

I just gained a level in My Forged Wedding: PARTY! What about you? #MyForgedWeddingPARTY

(Source: tumblr.com)